I’m not brave. I’m not sure if I’m necessarily a coward either.
I don’t like to face my problems head on, and I tend to linger and dwell… on pretty much everything. I need motivation and something tangible to help me reach my goals rather than letter grades and minimal bragging rights. I mentioned it before and I just don’t understand how a once-super-ambitious me was so competitive and read professors (teachers) and their exams so well as to know what corners to cut because I knew they were coming. College has diminished my self-esteem. I couldn’t keep up with those pre-meds and now it’s only me, myself, and I. I can’t say that I’ll do better for my parents anymore, it’s for my own sake. I’m really trying hard to focus on myself and my well-being before I consider that of others.
It’s hard to focus. One thing at a time. Checklists are made for that reason, right? To check things off one.by.one.
I’ll be braver, I promise. I hope.