Monthly Archives: March 2015

Elastic Heart.

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I’ve bounced back and forth lately.

One moment I’m completely fine, the next I’m looking at the remaining few pictures I have of us on my phone.

When I saw him, everything seemed O.K.
But there was something wrong with him. I remembered that he didn’t like to converse with people from his past – he was always so hesitant – so afraid that something would resurface and ruin what was before him in the present moment.

That night, I was that person – the last thing he wanted to see, let alone speak to.

I understand my place now. He said he wouldn’t block me out, but I’m beginning to see that he never meant that. He’s too used to having the past be the past, and that’s where I have to be.

Another one bites the dust.

He was my everything.
And now he is nothing to me – as sad and awful as that is to hear and say.

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Soreness

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The aches and pains I feel in my body have been rough lately. I feel like it’s karma to me for some reason besides the fact that I’ve been taking my meds at various times.

It’s been three months since he told me he no longer cared for me and I can’t help but feel melancholy.

This is how it’s supposed to be. I still haven’t come to full terms with it because my heart is still heavy but I want to punch something at the same time. I want him to feel my frustration. I want him to know that I still care.

I’m not hanging on, I’m just upset at why we couldn’t work through it. I can’t not think about it.

It is what it is. Agh.

Letting Go.

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Sometimes I don’t know why I still think of him. My heart hates him, yet my mind wants the best for him – or vice versa.

These thoughts linger and I’m trying not to let them take over me, but at the end of this – the end of this relationship – I just never thought it was gonna be like this. How we are now…

That he’d be out of my life for good.

Why was he here in the first place?

Maybe I almost wish he hadn’t been there.

But then I would have never fell in such a deep, strong love and connected with him the way we did.

Why’d I become so bitter and shut him out for?

He thought I was in a better position to leave our relationship in its prime stage, yet look at him now.

Hypocrite.

I saw it coming, I just didn’t know what to do.