Too good to be true.

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Somehow, I’m still not OK.

I’ve been on the upswing of things. I’m no longer rock-bottom since the beginning of July, but I’m also not at the peak of the mountain either.

Mentally, I’ve grown – small things don’t bug me the way they used to. Traffic I can just go about with besides insane drivers; last-minute situations don’t rile me up as much now-a-days; I’ve learned to finally breathe everything off.

I’m still not eating well. The carb situation has been plentiful and most recent. Snacking is my kryptonite and so are desserts.

I’m still NOT exercising as much as I’d like to be – does walking a few hundred steps a day in a dust-filled warehouse suffice? I think not, but at least I’m not sitting for eight hours straight.

I just need something new. It always takes me awhile to get started with something since my mind is so indecisive and apprehensive about how to approach something, anything, new.

Then again, I feel like I’ll hit some kind of quarter-life crisis very soon, so here’s the game plan for 2016:

  1. NEW JOB. First and foremost (quite possibly tied to finding housing too).
    Let’s see where this takes me. Again, I need to just take initiative, be proactive, and change what I’m doing. That’s one of the biggest things I learned in my final quarters of undergrad – if you don’t see results you have to change up what you’re currently doing. This is what I need most and I certainly do not want to be in this same exact spot by February – sitting on my bed in the dark contemplating on whether to look up links on how to learn HTML/CSS vs. opening a new desktop to search online for open positions.
    Honestly, this should be number 1, but I think it’ll correlate with #1 once my mind settles on something new. Man, can someone from the abyss of the universe just tap me on the shoulder or like knock me on the head and give me a sign that everything will be okay? I’m currently on day 10+ of bronchitis and/or recovering from some kind of cold even after taking antibiotics so I’m not sure where this is going. I just hope and pray that methotrexate won’t mess with my lungs…
  3. FAMILY FIRST (even though this third).
    I want to be able to travel and see my family as much as I can. As we grow older we forget that our parents do too. They have worked so hard to be where they are to create a world of opportunity for my siblings and me and for that, I am constantly and forever will be grateful for. Reading headlines about all the Syrian refugees remind me of how much struggle my parents must have faced and it’s unfortunate that such a thing is still existing in the world today in the 21st century. Anywho, babysis is also older and will soon start her own life too. That will be a sad, but happy day as she will be the last to leave the nest. Brother is also content at the moment and I just don’t want to lose him completely once he settles. I hope he finds the perfect girl for him too – she’s out there somewhere I know it.
  4. LOVE?.
    Is this still a thing? See the top first few lines there? ^ I know what I want now and I know I’m not perfect – no one is. It’s still very unfortunate that he removed himself from the situation and that I am still recovering 9 months later… I just know that we crossed each other’s paths for a reason, but it sure damn bothers me that he doesn’t/ can’t/ won’t want to remain friends with me. I guess from his perspective it will be hard, but it’s not like we’ll see each other every day – once in a blue moon – that’s all I ask for. Can someone tell me that he’s okay? Again, I will be crushed if his next SO is of female origin, but that might be the best thing to happen to him and to help me move on… I just hope he’s okay.
    And for my Prince Charming – I hope you’re doing okay and that you’re healthy and happy.
    I look at my brother and see that there are good guys still out there who haven’t encountered their significant other yet. Some people are fortunate that they will never have to endure heartbreak; others, not so much.
    Someday my prince will come, and I know I will love you whole-heartedly and we will overcome anything and everything together. While attending recent weddings I can’t help but think that someday, We will be celebrating our endless love for one another while those closest to us rejoice and dance beside us. Someday…
    I’ve always been somewhat independent. But as life moves on and I’m constantly seeing others with the friends and SO’s, it’s hard not to compare still. I’m much better at handling my attentiveness with social media, but it’s seeing that people have such good friend bubbles that I need to remember that although my girlfriends aren’t all 100% ambitious, they still mean well; and although my undergrad friends are all in debt and shooting for the moon, I’m still no loser compared to them. It’s hard. I just have to keep on my path and do me.

Life moves on. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. I want to enjoy my youth while I can and that’s where the traveling will take place as well in terms of independence. I just dislike how I question the universe too much, I just need to take each day as it comes and someday, the truth – MY TRUTH – will be the best thing ever.

Everything will be okay. I’ll be okay.


About Sendy

I'm Sendy. Trying to figure out my path in life post-undergrad.

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