New Year, Same (Sick) Me

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Let’s get better.

The lack of motivation is literally killing you. It’s gotta go.

Let’s focus and get shit done.

1. Health and wellness. So you can physically function properly again.

2. Family. Remembering that as you get older, so do your parents.

3. Financial security. Let’s go places and stop spending it on living but doing.

4. Love. Yourself and if we’re lucky, find your best friend to share that love with.

Everything is temporary. Baby steps.

You will function again- your body and heart.


It’s Been A Long Time Since You’ve Felt Like Yourself — Remember that everything is temporary.

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sergiochoy98 I know the feeling. Better than you might think. The feeling that your best days are behind you. That your best self is behind you. The feeling that the person you used to be, the passions you used to have and the life you used to want for yourself, are hopelessly detached from the…

via Read This If It’s Been A Long Time Since You’ve Felt Like Yourself — Thought Catalog


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I almost felt it.

I think my heart has always been guarded. Something in me never falls for the guy as quickly as he falls for me. It sounds bad, but it’s the truth. I’ve always been… cautious.

What was two dates turned into three. And by the end of the third date, I knew.
He wasn’t the one.
And that’s just too bad.

Time keeps moving; seasons change; life goes on.

He’s out there. I think my mind and heart will coincide when that moment happens, when I know. When lust hits me hard next time and the butterflies flutter endlessly.

I’ll know.

Side Note: It’s been two years since we’ve been apart. UGH JUST GET OVER IT. Seriously. Get out of my head and let me move on for once and for all. Why did you set up this impossible standard? It’s not impossible, but with all these lackluster dates it seems so. There’s someone out there that will complement me while being able to communicate with me. I know it.


The One that got away…

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Looking back on mutual friends who had potential, there weren’t many guys that would have been considered placed in the ‘more than’ category/bucket. There is one friend whom I certainly did flirt with that did reciprocate, but the timing was just not there?

I question that timing since I may have been too naive to really act on those feelings and rely, or moreso focus, on a different friendship at the time (which did turn into a 13-month relationship). When I reflect on one specific incident of me asking him to tie my shoe during IM football practice with nothing but giggles, he may have hesitated, but still did so with a grin on his face. I think on that very day I hurt him since my ‘friend’ ended up coming to practice and walking me home later…

That friend was only supposed to be a friend had we not hung out together every day around those weeks of football practice and the beginning of Fall Quarter. We even talked about both of us not certainly looking to be in a relationship, but the comfortable companionship factor took place and he kissed me on a whim. That first kiss wasn’t the most memorable but the relationship that spawned from it certainly was…

now that was a slight tangent from guy number one, so… well, we basically held off and didn’t see much of each other the remaining of that school year, but that’s that. Life would be much more different had I went with those feelings instead of making plans with the new friend. But everything happens for a reason and what we’re small moments of butterflies and giggles immediately vanished.

i believe he’s with someone now, but as long as he’s happy right? There’s a small ‘what if’ questioning that only came to fruition after some thought and his name resurfaced. But sometimes life is funny and destiny or fate just happens to not have been so with this particular person.

I guess life gave me two lemons lemons and I decided to go with the nice one I knew would create good, decent juice instead of going with the unconventional one that I had a hunch on.

And that’s that.

He was (and is) a smart, charming, funny guy with a great smile and personality. Heck they both were. But something about me just makes me think that he is the one who got away, even though he was never mine to begin with. He’s well traveled, into sports, photography, and loves TSwift just as much of not more than me…

We just won’t ever know.


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in a rut.



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… Someone will come into your life and show you why it never worked with anyone else.

I believe this.

Everything is temporary.

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Live in the moment and embrace what is.

Because no two days are ever the same.


To Past Sendy: you’re gonna be okay.

To Future Sendy: sheesh, you’ve come a long way.

To Current Sendy: keep it up; little progress is better than no progress at all.

Cheers. To me.