I just want

To find my somebody and live happily ever after already…

I’m exhausted of online dating and while it’s a convenience, the repetitive bit of explaining my life story over 50 times to people in the past few years is slowly taking its toll on me.

I activate then I deactivate. My profile is fine and briefs me solidly, I feel, in the six sentences or so I’ve got going on. But even living in a large city now, the matches haven’t been very promising. I think I’ve become better at reading people because I oftentimes get a good sense of how they are before meeting them; it’s not judging per se but like an initial gut reaction. And yet I keep giving them the benefits of my doubts and go for it, yet only one date has come anything close to being something more, and even that is still in a fuzzy, “busy” state of its own…

Sure one match actually led to a relationship, but that story in itself was finicky and non finite from the beginning- I was hesitant and went for it, yet it wasn’t the chemistry and sparks like before him, unfortunately. I wasn’t in love, but it damn sure came close.

And that’s what I yearn for- someone who just clicks and gets me (and us). I felt it before and at least I know it’s possible, so the question still exists (persists?): Where is he? …

The funny, charming, ambitious, yet understanding [and patient] individual that will challenge, learn and grow with me. I don’t think I’m a bad egg despite being ill now, but someone who will have me in this sickness and roll with it because it certainly doesn’t define me and sets me back as an SO altogether…

He’s out there. Maybe I’ve met him… Maybe our timing is just way off. I know it’ll be amazing because I know that everything happens for a reason and that timing is Everything. And when the cards line up and our paths finally cross, it’ll be the best thing I knew I was waiting for all along.

TBD.

—
//This was written 10 days ago. Thoughts are still in the same cloud.

FRUSTrated

Stuck between traditional parental views on stability and figuring out what to do with the remainder of my life while somehow conforming to those old school norms- which I won’t.

So fucking frustrating explaining that if plan a and b don’t work out, at least I’m working on plan C.

Fuck.

Everything happens for a reason. That reason is getting here.

Gah. Going nuts is an understatement, but being physically stuck isn’t helping my creative potential flow either.

ugh.

Sticking to my own sub headline of Pursuing Happyness. Otherwise, I’m done.

Friendship

friends come and go, and as an adult, it’s true that those that will want to remain friends will reach out or reciprocate when you do.

These past few years has been tough, but I’ve come to realize that maybe certain people don’t belong in your life in the long-run; sometimes people outgrow each other and that’s reality.

It’s unfortunate but it’s true.

I wish I weren’t always an outsider, but lately it’s felt that way. Maybe it’s the difference in lifestyles or a cultural thing, but it’s not nice to be left out purposefully. But that’s just how it ended up going and I just have to accept it.

I never had a best friend, and it’s nice that these girls included me, but at the end of the day, we’re on different wavelengths in life and that’s just how the cookie crumbles.

All I can really say is oh well… my feelings do get hurt but I may have done this to myself with exclusion. It’s that two way street and once people stop trying it’s the end.

So this is probably where the year will take me- elsewhere.

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Night Owl

Seriously could only ever work when the sun’s not out…

BIRTHdays

I always have anxiety planning it all ugh.

Why does it have to be on a Saturday…

Kiss and Tell

I’m not naive. I am reluctant yet apprehensive. I used to be a hopeless romantic, but revisiting romcoms these days just frustrate me in a way because realism sets in and those serendipitous situations just don’t make the cut in this movie called life. I still hope for chance encounters, but being indoors majority of the time and hermitting doesn’t quite help that probability.

Again, I’m not naive. Dating is hard. It’s harder when you go for it without being friends first. The idea of having someone by my side is nice, but is it worth it when there’s no foreseeable future together?

the answer is No. it absolutely isn’t.

i invited a person I went on two dates with to a music event out of courtesy. I was already reluctant since this was initially intended as a reunion with friends I hadn’t seen in awhile which I had been looking forward to being with amongst artists that I really like. Long story short the guy comes along but engaged with a friend who I had mentioned was newly single in which I was closer to her ex first; I think this gave him the impression that we were never clos. He initiates conversation with her the most before the event, and when it came time to taking pics he points to not just me, but the both of us. YEP. Should’ve just dropped him there but ended up leading him on for the remainder of the night. And told him the following day that I just wanted to remain friends…

And that kids is the story of how I did not meet your father.

Im not naive. Had this been me a few years back without knowing what any sincere relationship meant, I would’ve been head over heels for this guy after making out with him all night. But sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles. He hit on my friend while I invited him last minute and that was in no way respectable and showed me his true colors. Annoyed but mostly due to the fact that he was smothering me the whole night so I was unable to enjoy the music as much. That irked me the most.

so it was not the best memory to have but an experience to say the least. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. Although some past insecurities shed a bit of light that night, I’m glad that I was the bigger person and self-aware to know that it just wasn’t but going to work and there was no way that I was going to invest in a person who did not respect and understand boundaries off the get go.

This has me more apprehensive about throwing my heart out there in this dating scene, but taking chances is what dating is all about. It’s too bad that one ended on the negative side.

Thos was more of a rant than i intended having it be five in the morning me unable to sleep so I’ll leave it at that.

Where is he? Maybe 2017 knows, maybe not.

Sick and Tired.

Dunno if it’s this second cold I caught after getting better from a different virus, but I sure hope this isn’t a setting sign for 2017.

Tired of being sick. Sick of being tired.

Hoping my immune system will be better this year. Mindfulness and wellness is what I’ll practice.

positive mind, positive life.

New Year, Same (Sick) Me

Let’s get better.

The lack of motivation is literally killing you. It’s gotta go.

Let’s focus and get shit done.

1. Health and wellness. So you can physically function properly again.

2. Family. Remembering that as you get older, so do your parents.

3. Financial security. Let’s go places and stop spending it on living but doing.

4. Love. Yourself and if we’re lucky, find your best friend to share that love with.

Everything is temporary. Baby steps.

You will function again- your body and heart.

It’s Been A Long Time Since You’ve Felt Like Yourself — Remember that everything is temporary.

sergiochoy98 I know the feeling. Better than you might think. The feeling that your best days are behind you. That your best self is behind you. The feeling that the person you used to be, the passions you used to have and the life you used to want for yourself, are hopelessly detached from the…

via Read This If It’s Been A Long Time Since You’ve Felt Like Yourself — Thought Catalog